Hi, I'm a professional script reader. In order to alleviate my incessant need to drink due to frustrations with your inability to write properly, I decided to make you a super fucking handy cheat sheet. Learn it, live it, breathe it.
1) Do not underline, bold, or italicize shit. Stay the fuck away from all capitalized letters, unless you are introducing a character. I will allow italics if the dialogue is a translation.
2) Structure: do you know what this is? Do you know what a three-act structure is comprised of? If you don't, take a class or figure it out. There are many elements to each act. Let them guide you, so you don't go off the rails. Never forget the following sentiment: you are not Chris Nolan.
3) Dialogue should tell the story. The audience cannot read the entire narrative you decided to put into your script. This is a movie, not a book. You want to write a book? Go for it. You want to write a movie? Let the dialogue and a tiny percentage of directions tell the story.
4) Dialogue should be distinct. I get you think you're fucking hilarious, but not everybody thinks and talks like you. When the dialogue starts to all sound the same, you're fucking up.
5) Danny McBride does not want to be in your movie. If I see one more damn script that says "think Danny McBride", I will find you, call your mother from your phone, offer her sweet sweet lovin', show up to her place, and shit on her face. How's that for Danny McBride? On that note, no A-lister wants to be in your movie unless you're well-known or have someone well-known attached to your project. Let it go. If you find yourself writing, "think [name of A-list actor]", I am actually "thinking", "man, this idiot has nothing to offer". Truth. Get your own voice. Thanks.
6) Los Angeles is not the only city in the world.
7) All your major characters should be introduced in the first act. I might let it slide a bit into the early part of the second act before the first reversal or midpoint, but you're better off limiting them to the first act. I totally get that you have some hilarious shit you came up with that involves minor characters in the second act, but if you still have people popping up in the third act, I am fucking done with you.
8) Speaking of the third act, pay attention to your resolution and that every pertinent story was wrapped the hell up.
9) Back to characters real quick. If the list of every single appearing character takes more than two pages to list, I hate you and you're lucky there's no such thing as a STRONG PASS anymore.
10) I'm ending my list here, because I know when to shut the fuck up, which is more than I can say for the majority of you. Nobody gets a "tl;dr" on a movie.
EDIT: Thought I'd re-publish this for you.
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